at twenty.two: hope, perpetual

Bonne Année!

That's French for "Happy New Year's!" I was told the French use this greeting for the entire month of January, so you'll be sure to hear it from me many times! I have never spent a New Year away from home so this will be quite different. I know it's not exactly Thanksgiving or Christmas, but it's a holiday in which I am usually surrounded by my polka-dotted pajama clad family, all of whom I am thinking of now and miss very much. New Year's for me is usually spent at my uncle's house in Riverside. We eat sopas and pandesal made by my aunt, watch Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve Special on the television, and jump when the ball drops in Times Square at midnight. Toasts are made all around with glasses of Martinelli's apple cider and white grape cider and kisses on the cheeks are exchanged throughout the room, giving one another a sense of warmth and of home for the New Year.

Last year however, I spent New Year's upstate with my other family members who keep these same traditions. Though I believe we had Chinese, rather than sopas! My grandmother braved the cold to venture to my aunt's house where we were all celebrating that evening. I remember her telling me we would leave before midnight, and me complaining and explaining to her the whole point of celebrating New Year's is the countdown to the New Year! I persuaded her to stay and she complied because really, we would have been doing the exact same thing at her house, but you know, just us two in her bedroom and me jumping by myself, though come to think of it, I could have probably persuaded her to make one of those grandma hops that she used to do so adorably. I actually spent July 4th evening watching fireworks from her television with her as well, but I'll reminisce on that event another time. Anyway, grandma spent the entire evening on the couch watching the Dick Clark special and dozing off occasionally and I remember her looking especially pretty that evening in a purple sweater and scarf with a hint of silver eyeshadow on her lids which made her eyes sparkle even more.

As happy as we were to ring in the New Year, we didn't know what to expect for 2011 and I always tried to focus on the present rather than dwell in what the future had in store for us because I know my time with grandma was precious. She was in all truthfulness, my best friend, and though she would frustrate me at times, I cherished every moment not knowing when the moments would end, and I wish with all my heart to have another year, another day, another moment with her. So though I am saddened at the thought of not having her here with me this year, I remember fondly all of the moments I had spent with her this past year, both the good and the bad.

2012 will be a healing year.

Grandma, I ring in the New Year with you on my mind and in my heart. You gave me life, you taught me faith, and you showed me compassion. Though there is a part of me that is broken, and that perhaps will always stay broken, I will continue to live my life whole for you and because of you. This isn't a New Year's resolution. This is a resolution for all time.

Grandpa taking his last nap of 2010 in the massage chair